Listening to the sound of silence

Crabby Patty is giving me the silent treatment right now and it is wonderful. She is interfering with my parenting style and I let her know that I did not appreciate it, therefore my phone has not rung in 72 hours. It has been pure bliss. When Crabby Patty finds nothing wrong with the fact that I do indeed have three kids; that I am not raising them 'her' way; and that it is 2010 and kids are different than they were even 30 short years ago, she calls me all the time. She calls to tell me about so and so down the street, she calls to tell me about her horse who won the race, or about what my dad did. She calls all the time when she is not mad at me, right now she must be mad at me, because I am listening to the sound of silence.

Hair (not the musical)

I teach special education. Some days I am rewarded with students who know the answer, some days I am rewarded when a student comes to school, and some days I find it really hard to be a teacher. Today was one of those days.
I have a student who is 13 and a sixth grader for the second time. She comes from a very dysfunctional home. Her mom is raising three of her own kids plus a grand baby. Her mom probably uses methamphetamine and likes that kind of life-style. My student is very street wise, she dates and is probably sexually active with older men. She probably self medicates with god knows what. She also has a great big giant dread lock on the top of her head, the dread is from about a year of not taking care of her hair (this was not a planned dread). This student has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals but never stays long enough to see any results. When she is at school she tries her best to go home, with faking sickness, faking heavy flow periods, self mutilation, I could go on and on. Let me just say when she is in my class, I let her sleep.
Today, I had the school social worker help me call in a professional to help her get her hair under control. After an hour of working on her hair, a person not familiar with the situation would not be able to tell, but I was very pleased with the results. She was able to free several large clumps of hair from the 'hair-ball'. The professional said she would come back tomorrow and spend the whole afternoon. I am a teacher, I should be teaching nouns verbs, I should be teaching writing, and reading. Instead, I spent an entire afternoon convincing a student that I saw progress on her hair. I do what I can, but after today I can say that I have really seen and heard almost all!

Three in diapers

Eddy Haskel was diagnosed with encopresis several years ago. I have tried numerous doctors and self help books looking for a cure. Over the past few months I thought we had moved passed the pants pooping. Every book and doctor that we have ever gone to, have told me he needs to retrain his bowels. I have tried setting timers, letting him have the Gameboy while on the pot, pro-biotic yogurt, Metamucil, Fiber One, almost anything on the market that makes one move their bowels I have tried. Eddy continues to poop his pants. I can smell it the second that he walks in the door, I get angry, I yell, I scream, and that is not what I am supposed to do. I am supposed to ask him to finish having said bowel movement, get him clean underwear, and help him get cleaned up. Well, I do not do that either, wanna guess why? Because I have 2 other kids in diapers. One who is almost more potty trained than Eddy.
Last night I let him ride his bike, it was raining but I needed a break from him. I called him in a couple of hours later and he walked past me and the smell hit me. He sat in my favorite chair, thus causing the smell to get onto my chair. I asked him to go clean up and bring down his soiled clothing. He took a 30 minute shower and has still failed to bring down the dirty clothes for me. At dinner when I called him down, same thing; the smell of fecal matter. I asked him why he came down here when he had poop on his butt; his response was "I did not want you to get mad at me when you called me so I got up from pooping and did not wipe my butt." WTF? did not wipe your ass, came down the first time I called you? Bullshit.
I am tired of cleaning shit out of pants, I am tired of having an almost teenager who still shits his pants, I am tired of being nice about it.

Change, not the kind in the bottom of your purse

Is is bad that I am so resistant to change?
I really get worked up when things do not go according to my schemata. Take for instance next school year, as previously posted next school year we will be consolidating with a neighboring school district. This means I will be teaching a different grade level, I will be with a different team of teachers, and I will be in a different classroom. I am really anxious about the change, I walked into this job with a very bad taste in my mouth from my first year of teaching. I walked into this job not knowing what lay in store, I walked into this job with much joy in my heart because I have known all along that I am a good teacher. I was told that my sixth grade team was a difficult one, full of veteran teachers who were also resistant to change and who had a bad taste in their mouths because of previous special education teachers. Well, low and behold I broke the mold, I got along splendidly with my team and was able to make suggestions that would benefit all students. I looked forward to going to work. I was accepted and respected.
Yesterday we met with the new team of teachers from the school we are consolidating with, and they like most are apprehensive about change. The meetings went awful, we did not get our room assignments like promised and one teacher came in with a huge chip on her shoulder. I left school yesterday in tears, for the first time in a long time I felt anxious about next year.
I know I will be working with great teachers next year, a different kind of team but not all that bad. Then I did the unthinkable, I let my mouth open and words come out before my brain had time to filter what I was about to say. I told them if next year does not work out then I am quitting. Huh? What?
With the state of the economy and jobs in education in short supply what was I thinking. I was not, I was being selfish and resisting the change. Over the next few weeks as the Red Bird mascot disappears and is replaced with a panther, I have some reflecting to do. I need to make this about the new group of students whose lives I can make an impact upon, I need to just "get on the bus" and be happy that I have a job and that this is what I have wanted for a really long time. I need to let go and enjoy the ride.

Hey there Earthy Birthy How the Heck are You?

Hello Blog

I am Earthy Birthy Mama, you might remember me from about 9 months ago. Well hopefully I am back.
Let's see, where to begin; let me do a quick recap of the past nine months.
August 2, 2009 we welcomed Danger Hawk to our family. Eddy Haskel started the fifth grade. Two weeks into the school year Eddy placed a fake snake on the chair of his teacher, who by the by is deathly afraid of snakes. Great way to start and end the year, Eddy. So needless to say, we have had a helluva school year.
In September my Anti Hippie became a Chief in the Navy and I drove three kids up to Michigan to his pinning ceremony. I was honored to be the one to pin my husband, and I am so proud of him. He is now constantly on the computer and phone putting out fires for the United States Navy.
In October I returned to work after an extended maternity leave. I teach 6th, 7th, and 8th grade language arts. My school district and the school district in which I live are consolidating and this school year has been one of celebrating the old and looking toward the new. I work with a wonderful team of veteran teachers and I know now that this is what teaching is all about, having hated my job last school year.
In November I hosted Thanksgiving dinner which was a success. In December my Eddy Haskel turned 11 and we celebrated the holidays with over indulgence and family.
January, February, and March passed in a blur of snow and really crappy weather. I taught units on the Iditarod, recycling, and Dr. Seuss. I still really liked teaching. Baby Danger Hawk went from being a crying baby to being a crying, drooling, and able to roll and scoot everywhere baby.
In March we left the 'not so good' babysitter and now have a sitter that comes to my house to watch the kids, uses cloth diapers, folds my laundry, and sometimes even does my dishes!
In April we planned our garden and had the hottie from the neighboring town come and till up our garden and our back yard where the Koi pond used to be. As April progressed Baby Danger Hawk began crawling. We got a new puppy. Whom I love and hate with a passion. I love the fact that I will have a dog that the kids can grow up with, but I HATE puppies! I enjoyed a night of pizza and libations with Earth Muffin and Mr. Earth Muffin. I went to see Jake's Leg with a bachelorette party. I also went to the ER with Gnat, who fell in the shower and hit her eye.
Now we come to May and boy what a May it has been already. I was informed that I will be teaching 7th grade next year, as I previously mentioned we are consolidating with the neighboring school district and we are making preparations for next year. This means up to 58 classroom moves and a change that means great things for our kids, but for people of the community it is the end of an era. So as we come into May and my school year ends, I am still here. More laundry, a dirtier house, growing kids, busier schedules. I love my crazy family and when they smile at me, or tell me they love me, it makes it all worth while. Glad I am back, I need to make this a regular habit. See ya tomorrow!

We interrupt this story to bring you something completely different!

On Sunday August 2, 2009 at 7:04 a.m. the Anti-Hippie and I welcomed our third child into to our family. Danger Hawk entered this world after 3 days of labor, sunny side up and star gazing!
We found out we were pregnant with Danger Hawk in December of 2008. I thought I had the flu, so I was not feeling particularly well. I was still nursing Princess Gnat so my periods had not returned regularly, so we were not quite surprised when I took 3 at home pregnancy tests and they all came back positive.
I was very lucky that I found a teaching job in January for the remainder of the school year, the job did not quite fit my personal educational philosophy ( but that is quite another post). I finished out the school year and in May was happy to be at home on summer vacation.
My pregnancy progressed through the summer and I had a great time being pregnant, up until those last three painful weeks. I was due August 13, and from July 28th on I started experiencing some pre-labor contractions. During this time, The Anti-Hippie, had passed his boards in the Navy and became a Chief Selectee for the 2010 Season of Pride (this too is another post), anyway this took the Anti-Hippie away from the house for a day or two at a time, where he was busy working on 'Navy Stuff'. At the beginning of August, there was to be a Navy Meet and Greet for all the Selectee Spouses and Families along with all the Genuine Chiefs.
The Meet and Greet went something like this: Hello I am The Anti-Hippie's wife, nice to meet you Chief So and So, Yes I am in labor I have been having contractions every eight minutes for the past 24 hours. Yes, I can't wait to meet him (baby Danger Hawk). No I do not think he will come while we are here. No, please do not tell me your birth story, about the labor from hell. Thanks nice to meet you too!
We eventually ate lunch, which the Selectees over engineered for, they expected 100 people, and only about 40 showed up. So my Husband and his troop of merry Selectees cleaned up dinner while the Genuine Chiefs had a meeting with all the wives, telling us that the next 8 weeks would be difficult, our husbands needed our support, yada yada... I am not bragging here, but while he was talking Danger Hawk decided to give some really good contractions, so I grimaced and listened, all the while thinking, GAWD I wish this baby would get here!!
After the Meet and Greet my husband was expected to clean up and so I went home with Princess Gnat and we got ready for bed, I was not in a lot of pain at this time, but I could tell that this baby would be here soon.
The Anti-Hippie arrived home from cleaning up at around 10:00pm and by 10:30 we were all fast asleep in our beds. At midnight The Anti-Hippie got up to go pee and I also had to pee, so I tried to race him to the bathroom, en-route I felt dampness around my bottom and we decided that my water was leaking. We called the awesome Grandma down the street and she came to sit with the kids while we rushed to the hospital. It was a very foggy night, and our drive was slower due to this.
We called ahead to the hospital and then to our surprise when we got there the Anti-Hippie's mother who is an ER nurse was able to take us upstairs to the maternity floor.
I labored somewhat comfortably for the next few hours, and then it hit, my contractions were coming at about 3 minutes apart and I was feeling great pressure. The Anti-Hippie was so wiped from the previous days events that he laid on the sofa bed and kept telling me I was doing a great job. I really wanted a natural child birth, but by 5am the pressure was so great and I was so tired, that I said the magic word and I got an epidural. By the time the whole process was over I had an epidural by 5:45 and was able to sleep a bit in between contractions. The Anti-Hippie will tell you this made a world of difference in my labor, I was smiling, not from the drugs, but because the pain had eased up due to the epidural. by 6:45 am I was ready to push, I pushed for 10 minutes and by 7:04am Danger Hawk had arrived.
Although my birth did not go as I had planned, it was still a wonderful experience and I was still in control of my body. No nurse nor doctor had told me what to do, I did what I felt I needed to and I am happy to say that I am glad I did. I am also happy to report the family and I are doing well.

Chapter 4 (finally)

My trip down to Anchorage was for the most part uneventful. Our Hitchhiking Ride dropped us off very near an REI store where I browsed the clearance rack for winter gear. I needed a coat and some pants. I bought a Gore-Tex coat (which I still wear) and a pair of Gore-Tex pants. From REI we perused the want-ads in search of a new used car for a couple of hundred dollars. We found a 1982 Subaru wagon about 15 miles away, we called for a taxi and went over to see the car.
The car was a yellow 4 door Subaru hatch-back with good tires and was for sale for a reasonable price, only problem was that it was a 5 speed. I had never learned how to drive a 5 speed, so Brian helped me get the car back to Fairbanks, on the way home we picked up a hitch-hiker and he camped with us in Denali. He was on his way to a hostel in Fairbanks, and we were happy for the company.
When I got back home to the cabin, Jacques was already at work and had left me an apologetic note. I ignored it, and promptly moved out. I had no where to go, so I slept in my car for a few nights. Brian had this friend who lived in North Pole, Alaska and he agreed to let me stay there and help with house work until I found a place to live. This guy, had a girl friend somewhere and he stayed with her most of the time. Now mind you Brian was still growing pot with Stina up in Gold-Stream Valley. I was still working at Denny's, and Jacques had taken our split pretty hard. He really wanted me back, but looking back on it now, I think he sensed that Brian was a bad apple.
By mid-September the leaves were off of the trees and the weather had turned cold, snow was coming and so was winter, and I still did not have a place to live. I looked in the classifieds each day, finally I found a cabin for rent back in Fairbanks and relatively close to Denny's. This creepy guy was my land lord, and he claimed he would be spending the winter in New Zealand. He gave me an address where I could send my rent, but he also gave me the creepy peepers. The cabin was nothing more than a 12x12 box with a little furnace that left everything black, because it burned oil and then it kind of leaked into the cabin, I would wake each morning kind of sooty looking.
Brian was working on harvesting his first crop and someone shot his wolf. His neighbor up in Gold Stream was tired of the wolf getting into the garbage so he shot and killed the wolf. This devastated Brian and he knew he must get this crop harvested and find another location to grow.
Meanwhile, Stina confronted me and tried to beat me up over Brian. I told Brian to leave. Stina then went up to the grow house and harvested all that could be harvested and tried to skip town. She changed the locks on the doors and when that neighbor who shot the wolf, saw Brian trying to get in, he called the cops. The cops found Brian inside the house and started snooping around, they wondered why there were rooms in this house with locks on the outside, well one thing led to another and they figured out he was growing up there and that led to a call to the Alaskan Drug Task-Force. They confiscated about $60,000.00 worth of pot and grow equipment. Now the ironic part of this is that Stina had gone in before she changed the locks and harvested quite a bit of pot, and was driving around with it in her car. When Brian caught up with her, he was able to re-coup some of the crop, but never made any money off of it.
I was at work the day this happened, Brian was not arrested, but they confiscated everything, and he came over to my cabin where he wanted to live. I kicked him out, I told him I wanted no part of this, and he left. He told me he was going back to Texas to get some money and to give me a break. I should have never let him come back. 2 weeks later I found him sitting on my front stoop one afternoon after work, and he told me he had some money and that he would take care of me. In the time that he was gone I started working for a guy who had a dog kennel who was going to let me live in his handler's cabin and learn how to maintain a kennel and most importantly have a team of sled-dogs. I did not invite Brian to live with me, he was trying all means necessary to get me back. And then I made the biggest life changing decision EVER, I let him come back and live with me.