I know why I get so frustrated with my mother. It is because I always think of ways to tell her off way after she has left. I know why Mr. Anti Hippie seems so stand offish when she is around, it is because he has to pick up the pieces when she leaves, when she leaves me in a tizzy. I so wish I could just tell her that I am hostile because she is the main reason I left for Alaska 11 years ago, she is the main reason why Baby Gnat does not like her, she is the main reason why I started my period yesterday, after 19 months of not having one, Sunday morning I woke up feeling shitty. In fact, I still feel really crampy right now.
Dear Mother,
I am your daughter, you raised me to respect my elders which is why I cannot tell you to your face that you frustrate me so much, and that I moved up here because I wanted to. I love you, but I am not your BFF, I am your daughter. You should relish in the fact that I love my husband dearly, and we still sleep in the same bed, I love my Eddy Haskel not because he looks like Uncle Nascar, but because I worked my ass off to make a better life for he and I. I also love Baby Gnat, no matter how spoiled she is, I love her because Mr. Anti-Hippie and I created this beautiful life together. Oh yeah and one more thing, I want more babies. No, I do not want to be bare foot and pregnant, but I still feel like I want more children.
I really wonder what you when home and told dad the other night when you left my house, with the beer. You should be proud of me for going to school, being responsible, managing a house, and our money. Mr. Anti-Hippie and I really worked on our relationship last year when you were not talking to me, I found that if I went directly to him with the problems that we were having, the problems seemed to get fixed, we are grown, responsible adults. I still am a strong woman, and no I do not need a man to complete me, but he is my best friend and lover, he and the kids are what makes me strong, not to mention all the other hurdles that I have had to cross to get here, where I am.
I am comfortable with my life, I am not you, I will never be you. I do not ever want to be you, yes you did a great job, but cut the freaking apron strings. Have I not shown you that I can be an adult, have I not shown you that I am a fully capable person.
Love, Your Daughter Earthy Birthy Mama
P.S. thanks for not calling me today
3 comments:
Ugh. Sounds stressful! Is there any way to fend her off? Give her tasks or projects to do to make her feel useful and also keep her out of your hair? I do that with my FIL from time to time and it makes both of us happy :-)
Yeah, CDJ makes a good suggestion. I was also going to suggest that you take her approach to her FIL...she actively works on not letting him bother her. Think of it like pain relief during labor, how you actively worked on not letting the contractions get the best of you. Don't let your mom do that either. Figure out something to focus your mind on when you're around her (like a focal point!) and with every negative thing she says or does, take a deep breath and inwardly let it roll of your back (like the deep cleansing breath after a contraction!).
I noticed that day I was over how she behaved towards Gnat...like she was in some sort of competition for your attention WITH THE BABY. It's really very pathetic on her part. You do not have to keep validating your life to her, and especially to yourself. You and the Anti-Hippie have built a lovely family together and you provide well for that family. That's all you need to be concerned with. It's a shame that Baby Gnat may never have a really great relationship with her grandma, but that's Grandma's fault. Let her be the one who's stressed all the time. Make a concious effort to NOT let it bother you any more.
Oh yeah, and that picture of Crabby Patty is hilarious!
Sorry about the period...that first one back after months of not having one is the shits.
The girlys will rid you of your blues this weekend!
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