Oh how can I go on? How can I get up every freaking day for the next 23 days of school and be happy and cheery and want to help my students who struggle? Why did this burden get placed upon me? Why me?
I have been thinking about this for several days now. I was fired or let go because I stood up for something I believed in, homework. I have homework every night, I fold laundry, I get out of bed on time, I get forms and faxes where they need to be in a timely manner, and I pay my bills on time. How could my students become "productive members of society" without homework?
I go into work each day and face each challenge that is handed to me. I complain a little, but I get the job done, I do what I feel is in the best interest of my students. I have not bitten a student, I have not snuck out of the building, and I am not a terrible teacher.
This totally sucks; I always thought I would be a teacher, now not so much. I am anxious about staying home next year. Do I write my book? Do I find part time work at Wal-Mart?
Today was my breaking point. The teachers in my wing do not have a cohesive planning time, therefore there were 4 projects that are due or were due this week and next. I have kids who are in the general population that have had up to 4 projects due, talk about homework. Most all of my prep time is spent helping students complete said assignments because these kids lack that support at home. I do not want ANYONE to tell me I was not here for my kids, I do not want ANYONE to tell me that I have not bent over backwards to see that ALL of my students did not pass the 7th grade.
I am sad, I am sad that my administration cannot see what I do on a daily basis, that I am by no means a martyr but I have been there this whole year and all of last year to see to it that NO ONE fell behind.
I think of Horton who no one believed, I think of how he did and he got up every day to search through those small specks of dust to find the Whos when they were lost. I do this every day. I search and search hoping to save just one little who.
I am sad because when I became a teacher I was going to "have an impact" on students. They were going to become better because of me and what I had to teach.
I cannot wait for these next 22 days to be over.
2 comments:
You have made an impact on the kids you've taught and mentored while working there. This is sad because so many shitty teachers are able to keep their jobs and you, a great teacher, are losing yours due to politics and sour grapes. They may not know it now, but they are going to miss you next year when it'll be too late to do anything about it. So sorry you have to go through this. Hugs!
My partner is a teacher and she often feels as if she isn't getting through to her students and then one will stop by years later and say, "I hated you when I was in high school, but you taught me to always do my best, that less than didn't count."
Sometimes it takes years to get feed back. But, keep holding on. I don't really know that specifics of your situation...so can't say more.
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