Once upon a time, my house was clean, my kids were well behaved, I had dinner on the table on time, and I was able to sleep every night. Then I decided to have more kids and that changed everything. In a few weeks we will never have more kids because my husband has elected to go in and have surgery. I pushed for this, but I am also sad. I love babies, they are so sweet, so needy, and they are only little for a short time. In July our middle daughter turns 4 and in August the baby turns 2. It has been a joyous ride, and my adventures with cloth diapers and baby wearing are almost over. Just recently I weaned the Danger Hawk, and I still feel like I am missing something, even though my nights of almost uninterrupted sleep are blissful.
I came from a tiny family, and was jealous of those "good Catholic" families growing up, that had a million kids running around. I wanted a big family, but as time goes on and I get older, I do not know if I could do childbirth again. I do not know if I could do 3am feedings again. The last baby was very trying on my patience as well as my relationship with my husband and the rest of my family. As I sit here contemplating the next few weeks, I am sad, but in the not too distant past I remember how trying that last baby was and how blessed we are to have what we have.
1 comment:
And you will probably always have those lingering feelings of "what if?" and of wishing you could have "just one more". I still do every now and then, even though I was ADAMANT that I didn't want any more babies and I know for a fact that I don't. Babies are sweet and the intimate nursing relationship cannot be replicated in any other way. However, you'll find this new phase of your family life to be rewarding in its own ways and I speak from experience when I say that rediscovering your relationship with your husband is a wonderful feeling. Enjoy!
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