I am being very shellfish right now, I want my body back, I want my bed back, and I want a normal relationship with my dearest Anit-Hippie. Looking back on it, I have nursed babies for over 72 months, not continually but as of lately I am going on 48 months of almost straight nursing. I want my breasts back. I love nursing, I love the sounds that babies make while they nurse, I love it when babies look up at you with that nourished look in their eyes, I love being the sole food source for babies for the first 8 months of their lives, but I want my boobies back. The current champion nurser, Danger Hawk, can almost one handed, get up my shirt and into the nursing cami. all by him self. He is currently at the stage where I am trying to wean him and he is protesting every minute of it. It does not help that he has been my sick kid, and nursing makes both he and I feel better.
Eddy, nursed until he was about 18 months old and one day he just did not want to anymore, there were other things to keep him occupied. Gnat, had to quit nursing because I became pregnant with Danger Hawk. Like I mentioned before, I am weaning so he only gets one or two chances a day to nurse, but he will hang on until I shut down operations, by pulling down my shirt and buttoning up the hatches.
I want my bed back, I think the whole idea of a family bed is a wonderful idea, it works for some and not for others. I have enjoyed having all three kids in my bed at one time or another. Currently Danger Hawk and I share the queen bed in my room, and Gnat and the Anti-Hippie share the twin bed upstairs in the kid's room. Gnat is a very anxious child, and she knows when you remove yourself from her bed, and she usually makes her way downstairs to our bed. Some parenting experts say that one should never share a bed, because it is too dangerous and because kids belong in their own beds. Whatever, I have enjoyed having my kids close to me and sharing snuggles and sleep with them. I want my bed back.
This however poses another problem, the problem of intimacy with my husband. Occasionally, we have relations in the early morn, while the peeps are still asleep, as we rarely share a bed anymore. Sometimes, albeit rare, we sneak off like teenagers while a dvd is playing or they are occupied. Other times we just make rain-check deals with one another. I want my husband back.
Children are in deed a blessing, I am blessed with three healthy children, sometimes they are not a blessing and I wish to be Shellfish.
1 comment:
You're not selfish. You're normal. It's perfectly normal and appropriate for you to want your body back and to want only your husband in your bed. You've been a great attachment-parenting mama to your wee ones and they are doing great. Weaning both from the breast and the family bed are difficult, but SO worth it in the long run. Hang in there!
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