Chapter One cont.

I was doing things in my own time for the first time in my life, although my timing at this point actually sucked. In college I was making very mediocre grades. By the time second semester started in the winter I had moved out of Jane's apartment and was back home living under my parent's roof, with their rules. I was also working at McDonald's. I had alienated myself from all of the boyfriends that I had, and I got involved with a much older guy, who used to be a body builder. He was old enough to be my dad.

Let me just say that I fell for this guy hard. It could have been his awesome music collection, or his awesome drugs, or just that I was pathetic and very lonely, and most of all heartbroken that 'real life' was not really what I expected. I was short on cash, so I pawned a lot of stuff. The only thing I really had to pay for was the car, but when you party and you need gas and cigarettes you sometimes have to make ends meet to keep the car and the insurance. By the time Spring semester was ending, I was fed up with my fast food job, with my parents, with my stupidity when it came to choosing friends and boyfriends, that all I really wanted to do was leave. That is exactly what I did.

I knew that Jacques would be back for a few weeks during the summer to pick up what he needed to live in Alaska, and then he would be driving back up north. What a better adventure than to leave home and go three thousand plus miles away. I just knew that things would be better up north, and that nothing from here would follow me. I dumped the thirty- something guy, quit my job at McDonald's, kissed a girl, and planned my escape. During this time of transition, I seemed happier, I was experimenting with my sexuality, and all the while I was secretly planning my escape in June. I packed tubs and hid them in my closet, I signed up for a credit card just in case, in my mind I was setting things right. I returned all those things that I collected that did not belong to me, like books, and records and the like. I hung out with friends and let them know my plans. When Jacques came back, we planned our trip back. Now mind you his parents were totally cool with him going up north, they had no idea I was going too, and my parents were clueless about my plans until I was almost to Fargo, North Dakota.

I remember so vividily the day we left....